I’m here! Aching and Out of Breath

Here’s a very unedited free write! Dark nights equal dark writes. 
It’s a lingering ache and tightness in the chest

A quiver in the cheeks when I’m lost in my head

All I want is to freely love not this struggle for breath

I want live in the present not rush around and fear death

I want to make you proud a hug a kiss on the cheek

a comfort zone where I can rest my feet

But the wall stays up and the fear is to great

Pulling and pushing me is more than I can take

Why why why do I have to chase you

Am I not worthy of your love

I’m not a transaction

Not to be dehumanized

I long for love touch and connections

Deep long term human interactions

I’m not looking to replace anybody or fill any void

But I run in confidence to get destroyed

Open your eyes pull away the mask

If your visions a little blurry I’ll clean the glass

For you to see I’m hear

I’m here

I have nothing to prove but I must ask

Why am I not good enough and why couldn’t you just be proud?

I’m here.

I want to spend time with you.

I want to love you.

I want to support you.

I want to make you proud.

I want to feel your hugs.

I want to see your smile.

I want to share meals.

I want to be wanted in return.

I want to be considered an equal.

I want to speak to you in confidence.

I want to be safe.

I want to be understood.

I want to be loved.

I want to love.

I’m here.

Written February 27, 2020

Seth June